Teddy Ferrara Read online

  TIM: He told you he didn’t need anything.

  GABE: I know! So then we got into this whole thing—he has abandonment issues and I guess being sick—he just felt sort of abandoned by me—

  TIM: But you offered to go over—

  GABE: That’s what I told him!

  JENNY: He was probably just embarrassed to ask you and was hoping you’d just do it.

  TIM: If I were him I’d be more embarrassed to throw a fit after telling someone—

  JENNY: Abandonment is a big thing though—

  TIM: So how did it resolve?

  GABE: I ended up going over there and—I think I calmed him down.

  TIM: How did you do that? Unless it’s X-rated.

  GABE: Same thing I did last night, just rubbed his feet for a little while.

  TIM: PG-13.

  GABE: He seemed okay when I left—anyway . . .

  TIM: Want a drink? Usual?

  GABE: Yes.

  (Tim goes.)

  JENNY: Well you’re here now!

  GABE: I really wanted him to meet you guys . . . —I think he’s threatened by Tim.

  JENNY: Why?

  GABE: He has this crazy idea that Tim is—attracted to me.

  JENNY: Based on what?

  GABE: No idea! I don’t think he has many straight friends, I don’t think he understands . . .

  What?

  JENNY: Before he gets back—I have to ask you something. I’m kind of going crazy.

  GABE: What?

  JENNY: I think Tim is cheating on me.

  You wouldn’t know something like that and not tell me, would you?

  GABE: No—of course not. But he’d never . . .

  JENNY: You really don’t think he would?

  GABE: No, I—why do you think that?

  JENNY: It’s like he’s annoyed whenever we’re together. He’s going running all the time . . .

  (Pause.)

  GABE: It’s probably just senior year—being stressed about the future—

  JENNY: Just promise me—if you know something—you’ll tell me.

  GABE: No, yeah—

  JENNY: He’s coming—

  (Tim enters.)

  TIM: So I have something to ask. That article—what’s up with that?

  (Pause.)

  GABE: The one about Kevin Gillman?

  TIM: It was kind of crazy I thought! I mean I didn’t know the guy well but—and not that he ever would have flirted with me—

  GABE: That’s right, he was on the Student Assembly—

  TIM: That dude definitely didn’t seem gay.

  JENNY: You think you can tell just by looking?

  GABE: Yeah, thanks—

  TIM: No, I’m—it just seemed like wish fulfillment to me. Like it really wanted him to be gay. Hot guy, super popular, hot girlfriend—it was like that gay porn site you told me about—

  GABE: Tim!

  TIM: What? Everybody’s looked at porn.

  JENNY: But—you don’t just say it—

  TIM: Whatever—you told me it claims the guys are straight—you said it was super popular—

  GABE: Yeah but—there are closeted guys—the article is not making up that phenomenon.

  TIM: Okay, fine, guess you never know.

  I don’t look at porn. Promise.

  JENNY: All right, can we—

  TIM: I mean sometimes when your girlfriend goes to Europe for all of August—maybe—

  JENNY: Tim—

  GABE: So are you guys coming to the dance party?

  TIM: Are we coming to the dance party . . .

  JENNY: I—what are we . . .

  GABE: Ugh! I just talked to him! —One second, sorry—

  (Gabe goes.)

  JENNY: Why would you say that? You embarrassed him.

  TIM: He’s the one who told me about it—

  JENNY: Not in front of me. And you embarrassed me, too!

  TIM: I was just—making a joke.

  JENNY: It’s disrespectful.

  TIM: Okay. Sorry.

  So you’re not going to the . . .

  JENNY: No.

  Are you?

  (Pause.)

  TIM: No . . .

  JENNY: You wanna come over?

  TIM: After this I’m just gonna call it a night I think. I’m tired.

  (Gabe returns.)

  GABE: He wants me to check in a few times over the course of the night.

  TIM: That’s nice. Stands you up and now wants to ruin your party!

  JENNY: He’s probably just nervous about you being at a gay club without him.

  GABE: I’m starting to think he should be.

  TIM: Whoa!

  GABE: Whatever—so how drunk should I get before going to the club?

  TIM: Very.

  3.2

  TEDDY (On his computer as before): So far it’s three that I go to the party, nineteen that I cam . . .

  I gotta decide soon, get your votes in! Twenty . . .

  I still haven’t seen him. No, we texted. I asked him for the room again between nine and eleven and he said okay. At nine I checked his camera and it was on again. So I looked at his Twitter and he was like, It’s happening again, if you wanna watch DM me!

  Got another screenshot, sent it to my RA. He’s totally busted. I just don’t know how long it takes to—

  You’re voting on—thank you for explaining—

  The guy was awesome. Better than last time. Definitely be seeing him again. No, I just unplugged his computer and made sure there were no other hidden cams . . .

  The votes are piling up . . . you guys really want to watch me jerk off . . .

  (Pause.)

  No, nothing—just distracted . . .

  (Pause.)

  I’m gonna go to the party. Sorry. —There are four hundred other cams you can look at!

  I’ll be back. You’ll see me jerk it again. Later, studs—

  (Teddy shuts down the computer.)

  3.3

  JAY (Approaches Gabe): Hey—

  GABE: Hi! You came!

  JAY: I’m a man of my word!

  GABE: That’s great! Decent turnout . . .

  JAY: Yeah, looks like it!

  GABE: Have you been out there yet?

  JAY: Not yet . . .

  GABE: You’ll dance, though, right?

  JAY: Let’s see how drunk I get . . .

  GABE: Aw, you don’t need to be drunk to dance! We’ll get you out there.

  JAY: Well look who’s talking!

  GABE: Right—the texting never ends—so that was a crazy meeting yesterday!

  JAY: I know! Is he out of his mind or what?

  GABE: Actually—I kind of like the guy!

  JAY: Ha! Really?

  GABE: He speaks his mind!

  JAY: But he’s a total jackass!

  (Teddy enters at the far corner.)

  GABE: No, I hear you.

  JAY: You think we’ll actually have a follow-up?

  GABE: Oh, there’s—sorry, I just saw someone I need to—

  JAY: Okay—

  GABE: Don’t go anywhere—or, if you do—I’ll find you—on the dance floor hopefully!

  JAY: Well then I definitely need to go get another drink . . .

  GABE: Ha!

  (Gabe goes to Teddy. Jay exits.)

  Hey!

  TEDDY: Hi—

  GABE: You came!

  TEDDY: Yup. —Taking a break from dancing?

  GABE: Oh—just texting with my boyfriend—

  TEDDY: He’s not here?

  GABE: No, he—he’s the editor of the Daily, you know—

  TEDDY: Oh—

  GABE: And there was this big story yesterday—

  TEDDY: Yeah I saw it.

  GABE: So—he’s busy working . . .

  TEDDY: Did you know—

  GABE: Sorry?

  TEDDY: No, I saw—on this site—guys, like, hook up—in the library bathroom—

  GABE: Oh—yeah. I’m sorry I haven’t messaged you yet
—

  TEDDY: It’s okay—that guy came over again tonight.

  GABE: What?

  TEDDY: I had a date with this—

  GABE: Right, right—sorry, I’m a little—

  TEDDY: My roommate tried to use his webcam, like, to watch us.

  GABE: Wait—what?

  TEDDY: Second time. Pointed his webcam at my side of the room so he could view it remotely—

  GABE: Are you serious?

  TEDDY: He, like, broadcast it—he told people about it on Facebook, Twitter—

  GABE: Jesus—did you go to your RA?

  TEDDY: Yeah, and two people above him. I have screencaps—

  GABE: That’s insane. Are you—okay?

  TEDDY: He couldn’t see much the first time, the second time I figured it out before anything—

  GABE: But—do you feel safe there? What will you do while the university—

  TEDDY: I can handle myself—I don’t think he’ll do it again. What did you text your boyfriend?

  GABE: What did I—uh—just that I miss him . . .

  TEDDY: You told him you miss him?

  GABE: Yeah. Which is kind of a lie honestly!

  TEDDY: Ha . . . do you . . .

  GABE: Sorry, I couldn’t . . .

  TEDDY: No, it’s hard to—I still have these canker sores—I’m not talking clearly—

  (Jay enters with drink.)

  GABE: Well—I’m gonna get back to my friend—but I’ll see you on the dance floor!

  (Gabe goes over to Jay.)

  Got your drink!

  JAY: I did!

  GABE: Drink it fast, I want to dance!

  JAY: Don’t mind me . . .

  GABE: Stop, we’re getting you out there!

  (Teddy exits.)

  Oh you know what—I just want to ask that guy his last name—

  (Gabe turns.)

  Shit, he—Ted, Teddy . . . I’m supposed to add him on Facebook—

  JAY: I don’t know him—

  GABE: I keep forgetting to do it and then when I remember I can’t remember his last name—

  (Nicky approaches.)

  NICKY: Hi!

  GABE: Hi—do I know you?

  NICKY: Not really—I’m Nicky—I write for the Daily, I wrote the piece on Kevin Gillman—

  GABE: Oh—so you know—

  NICKY: Drew—very well!

  GABE: This is my friend Jay—we were both in the President’s office actually when the article—

  NICKY: Drew told me that—anyway—I saw you, I just wanted to introduce myself—I’m just here to have a good time, not doing anything for the Daily—

  GABE: That’s good—

  NICKY: Drew didn’t send me to spy on you, I swear—

  GABE: Ha! Well I think Jay and I are gonna hit the dance floor—yeah?

  JAY: What the hell.

  GABE: Nice meeting you!

  (They turn to go. Nicky grabs Gabe. Jay continues off.)

  NICKY: I just wanted to say—I kind of feel like I know you, even though we’ve never—

  GABE: Oh yeah?

  NICKY: Just—Drew can be really demanding, I’m sure you have your own experience of that—

  GABE: Uh-huh—

  NICKY: Not in a bad way—he gets results!

  GABE: Right—

  NICKY: I mean—I’m just imagining what it’s like to date him, obviously I don’t know—

  GABE: Well—I won’t totally disabuse you of your impression—

  NICKY: That’s good—I’d much rather be abused than disabused—

  GABE: Ah!

  NICKY: Sorry—

  GABE: Hey, no—flirt all you want—not like my boyfriend’s around!

  NICKY: Please, he’s always around!

  GABE: God, don’t say that—does he text you a lot, too?

  NICKY: It’s so controlling, isn’t it?

  GABE: Well—I’m gonna let the beat control me. Nice meeting you!

  (Gabe goes off.

  Teddy enters. He goes toward Nicky.)

  TEDDY: Hey.

  (Nicky goes off.

  Teddy exits.)

  3.4

  TIM (Grabs Gabe): YO!

  GABE: —WHOA!

  TIM: I’M DANCING, BABY!

  GABE: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE HERE! AND DANCING—

  TIM: JENNY’S COMING, TOO, I TEXTED HER—

  GABE: SHE IS?

  TIM: I WAS SO CLOSE TO HOOKING UP WITH THAT GIRL, DUDE—I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME—

  GABE: SERIOUSLY?

  TIM: SHE KEEPS MESSAGING ME—SHE’S SO FUCKING HOT!

  GABE: DON’T CHEAT ON JENNY!

  TIM: I’M NOT—THAT’S WHY I CAME HERE, SO I WOULDN’T—

  GABE: BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU—

  TIM: EVER SINCE SHE GOT BACK FROM EUROPE IT’S BEEN WEIRD—

  GABE: HOW?

  TIM: DUNNO! IT’S HARD TO EXPLAIN—

  (Jay nears, dancing in his wheelchair.)

  GABE: HAVE YOU GUYS TALKED ABOUT IT?

  TIM: NO—SO YOUR MAN NEVER SHOWED UP?

  GABE: NO! HE KEEPS TEXTING ME—

  TIM: TURN OFF YOUR PHONE! IF HE WANTS YOU HE CAN COME AND GET YOU!

  YOU’RE A GOOD DANCER!

  GABE: THANKS! SO ARE YOU!

  TIM: HEY, DID WE EVER MAKE OUT?

  GABE: WHAT—HOW DRUNK ARE YOU?!

  TIM: I WAS REMEMBERING FRESHMAN YEAR—DIDN’T WE GET DARED?

  GABE: I THINK YOU’VE LOST YOUR MIND!

  TIM: I REMEMBER US PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE—I’M SO FUCKING WASTED!

  GABE: GEE, REALLY?

  TIM: I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW CLOSE I WAS TO HOOKING UP WITH THAT GIRL, DUDE—

  (Jenny enters.)

  JENNY: HEY!

  TIM: YOU GOT HERE FAST!

  GABE: HEY JENNY!

  JENNY: THERE’S A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE! YOU MUST BE HAPPY!

  GABE: IT’S PRETTY AWESOME!

  (Tim and Jenny start dancing. Gabe sees Jay.)

  WE’RE GETTING YOU LAID TONIGHT!

  JAY: WHAT?

  GABE: WE’RE GETTING YOU LAID!

  JAY: YOU’RE CRAZY!

  GABE: WE GOT YOU DANCING, DIDN’T WE?

  JAY: YEAH BUT I CAN DANCE ALONE!

  GABE: WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT HAPPEN! —CHRIST! MY BOYFRIEND WON’T STOP TEXTING ME!

  JAY: REALLY?

  GABE: FUCK IT—I’M TURNING OFF MY PHONE! SO ARE YOU FUCKED UP?

  JAY: PRETTY FUCKED UP—

  GABE: I AM FUCKED UP!

  3.5

  TEDDY (Holding phone, recording): At the library . . . looking down . . . from the balcony . . .

  Fifteen minutes to closing . . . pretty quiet . . .

  Guys get blowjobs in that bathroom . . . under the stall dividers . . .

  (Looks at phone; erases, records again) Library . . . ninth floor . . . That’s me, hello . . .

  (Erases, records again) At the library . . .

  (Erases, records again) Hello. I’m Mr. Canker Sore!

  (Erases, records again) Library . . .

  (He erases. Types something into his phone.

  He drops the phone off the balcony, watches it.)

  Yup.

  (He jumps.)

  3.6

  JENNY: Whose idea was it to walk?

  TIM: Just don’t fall on your face on the concrete—cuz then I’d have to dump you.

  JENNY: Fuck you!

  TIM: Hey, it was Gabe’s idea to walk when none of us are capable of it—er—sorry, I—

  JAY: It’s okay—

  TIM: I didn’t mean to—

  JAY: It’s totally fine—

  GABE: Wouldn’t you rather barf in the bushes than all over your friends in the back of a cab?

  JENNY: The last time I was in a cab the BO alone made me want to hurl. It wasn’t even summer!

  GABE: Why don’t some people bathe?

  TIM: And by some people you mean Indians—

  JAY: Okay, that is offensive—

  TIM: It’s true
!

  GABE: Not all Indians—

  TIM: Just Indian cab drivers—whoa—I actually I think need to go throw up—

  JENNY: I’ll go with you—

  TIM: That’s okay—I’ll text you if I start choking to death—

  JENNY: Don’t make jokes!

  (Tim goes off. Gabe turns on phone.)

  GABE: So we didn’t get you laid, Jay!

  JAY: No . . . no one wants to have sex with people in wheelchairs.

  (Sounds of vomiting from off.)

  JENNY: I’m gonna go make sure he’s—

  (Jenny goes off. Gabe looks at his phone.)

  JAY: I had a great time, though. I had so much fun dancing . . . Everything okay?

  GABE: I . . .

  (Jenny and Tim return.)

  TIM: Highly recommend those bushes—very accommodating.

  JENNY: You love a nice bush—

  GABE: Drew just dumped me.

  (Pause.)

  TIM: What?

  GABE: Sent me a text like an hour ago: “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

  JENNY: That’s it? Out of nowhere?

  GABE: “Sorry.” That’s it.

  Why would he . . . What—

  TIM: Fuck that guy, dude—

  GABE: I . . .

  (Pause.)

  JENNY: Look—police up there . . .

  3.7

  Nicky takes pictures with his phone. Police cross.

  NICKY: Excuse me—I’m with the Daily—

  POLICE 1: You want to make sure—people are gonna—

  POLICE 2: Yeah—

  (Police 1 goes off.)

  NICKY: Is there anything you can—

  POLICE 2: There’s been an incident but that’s all I can say.

  NICKY: Why is there an ambulance?

  POLICE 2: That’s all I can say.

  (Gabe, Jay, Tim and Jenny enter. Nicky goes to them.)

  GABE: Do you know what happened?

  NICKY: They won’t say anything—I was walking back from the—

  (Police 2 is called on his walkie-talkie, exits.)

  GABE: That’s a lot of—could it be a shooting—

  NICKY: It doesn’t seem like it’s still going on—the police seem pretty calm, I haven’t gotten any emergency text messages from the university, have you guys?

  TIM: No . . . It’s probably nothing—

  NICKY: I’m gonna try to find out more—

  (Nicky goes off.)

  JAY: You think someone jumped?

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Jesus—

  JENNY: Like a copycat thing—

  TIM: They call ambulances just to be safe—probably someone fell, or passed out—

  NICKY (Entering quickly): My friend just texted me—a freshman posted on his Facebook that he was jumping off the ninth floor of the library.