Teddy Ferrara Read online

  TEDDY FERRARA

  BOOKS BY CHRISTOPHER SHINN

  PUBLISHED BY TCG

  Dying City

  Teddy Ferrara

  Where Do We Live and Other Plays

  Includes:

  Four

  Other People

  What Didn’t Happen

  The Coming World

  Where Do We Live

  TEDDY FERRARA

  Christopher

  Shinn

  Teddy Ferrara is copyright © 2013 by Christopher Shinn

  Teddy Ferrara is published by Theatre Communications Group, Inc., 520 Eighth Avenue, 24th Floor, New York, NY 10018-4156

  All Rights Reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this material, being fully protected under the Copyright Laws of the United States of America and all other countries of the Berne and Universal Copyright Conventions, is subject to a royalty. All rights, including but not limited to, professional, amateur, recording, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio and television broadcasting, and the rights of translation into foreign languages are expressly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed on the question of readings and all uses of this book by educational institutions, permission for which must be secured from the author’s agent: George Lane, Creative Artists Agency, 162 Fifth Avenue, 6th Floor, New York, NY 10010, (212) 277-9000.

  Diary of a Bad Year by J. M. Coetzee, copyright © 2007. First published in the United States by Viking Penguin, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc., New York, 2008.

  The publication of Teddy Ferrara, by Christopher Shinn, through TCG’s Book Program, is made possible in part by the New York State Council on the Arts with the support of Governor Andrew Cuomo and the New York State Legislature.

  TCG books are exclusively distributed to the book trade by Consortium Book Sales and Distribution.

  LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

  Shinn, Christopher.

  Teddy Ferrara / Christopher Shinn.

  pages cm

  eISBN 978-1-55936-757-8

  1. Gay students—Drama. I. Title.

  PS3569.H498T432014

  813’.54—dc232013026229

  Book design and composition by Lisa Govan

  Cover photograph by Andreas Ackerup / Link Image / Gallery Stock

  Cover design by Mark Melnick

  First Edition, November 2013

  For Max

  TEDDY FERRARA

  Contents

  Production History

  Chapter 1.1

  Chapter 1.2

  Chapter 1.3

  Chapter 1.4

  Chapter 1.5

  Chapter 1.6

  Chapter 1.7

  Chapter 2.1

  Chapter 2.2

  Chapter 2.3

  Chapter 2.4

  Chapter 2.5

  Chapter 3.1

  Chapter 3.2

  Chapter 3.3

  Chapter 3.4

  Chapter 3.5

  Chapter 3.6

  Chapter 3.7

  Chapter 4.1

  Chapter 4.2

  Chapter 4.3

  Chapter 4.4

  Chapter 4.5

  Chapter 4.6

  Chapter 4.7

  Chapter 4.8

  Chapter 4.9

  Chapter 4.10

  Chapter 5.1

  Chapter 5.2

  Chapter 5.3

  Chapter 5.4

  Chapter 5.5

  Chapter 5.6

  Chapter 5.7

  Chapter 5.8

  PRODUCTION HISTORY

  Teddy Ferrara received its world premiere at Goodman Theatre (Robert Falls, Artistic Director; Roche Schulfer, Executive Director) in Chicago on February 11, 2013. It was directed by Evan Cab-net; set design was by Lee Savage, costume design was by Jenny Mannis, lighting design was by Keith Parham, sound design was by Richard Woodbury; the production stage manager was Dana M. Nestrick and the dramaturg was Tanya Palmer. The cast was:

  GABE

  Liam Benzvi

  DREW

  Adam Poss

  NICKY

  Rashaad Hall

  TEDDY

  Ryan Heindl

  TIM

  Josh Salt

  JENNY

  Paloma Nozicka

  PRESIDENT

  Patrick Clear

  PROVOST

  Janet Ulrich Brooks

  ELLEN

  Kelli Simpkins

  JAQ

  Jax Jackson

  JAY

  Christopher Imbrosciano

  CAMPUS POLICE

  Dev Kennedy and Fawzia Mirza

  The time is now.

  The place is on and nearby the campus of a large state university in the Northeast.

  CHARACTERS

  GABE, twenty-one

  DREW, twenty-one

  NICKY, twenty

  TEDDY, eighteen

  TIM, twenty-one

  JENNY, twenty-one

  PRESIDENT, sixties

  PROVOST, fifties

  ELLEN, forties

  JAQ, twenty-four

  JAY, twenty-one

  CAMPUS POLICE, thirties

  NOTES

  The design should be simple in order to maximize speed of story-telling.

  Interval between 3.7 and 4.1.

  Love: what the heart aches for.

  —J. M. Coetzee,

  Diary of a Bad Year

  1.1

  Drew enters.

  DREW: Need help?

  GABE: Hey!

  DREW: Jesus. Sure this wasn’t the meeting of the Dessert Club?

  GABE: I said refreshments in the fliers. I thought more people might come if we had cupcakes.

  DREW: So either no one came, or you got a lot of cupcakes.

  GABE: No one had any! Maybe gay guys don’t want to be fat?

  DREW: But dykes don’t care about that.

  GABE: Drew!

  DREW: Um, it’s true—lesbians are not as body-obsessed as gay dudes.

  GABE: Well, we’re still not really attracting lesbians. I opened the box and everyone just stared!

  DREW: If I’d been here I would have had one.

  GABE: But you weren’t.

  DREW: That is true, I was not! Mm, this is good. Too sweet—which is good.

  GABE: Some people had Diet Coke. It’s so hard to get people interested in this group!

  DREW: Queer students want to spend their time being queer, not in a Queer Students group.

  GABE: Why is it so hard to build a community? It’s so frustrating to me—

  DREW: I’m telling you—Friday’s the deadline to declare—if you really want to make an impact—

  GABE: Drew, I am not going to be Student Assembly President!

  DREW: You would win.

  GABE: I’m not that kind of—big personality.

  DREW: Yes you are! —Are you not doing it because you think Tim would be mad at you?

  GABE: Why would Tim be mad? He’s not running for reelection.

  DREW: I don’t understand, you want to make a difference so badly—why won’t you do it?

  GABE: God! A week of dating and you’re already telling me what to do!

  DREW: Hey, that’s mean!

  GABE: Kidding! Kidding . . .

  (They kiss.)

  DREW: And it’s a week and a half—jerk—

  (Teddy enters.)

  TEDDY: Is this the Queer Students meeting?

  DREW: It�
�s over.

  GABE: It was three to four—but I can fill you in—what’s your name?

  TEDDY: Ted Ferrara—Teddy—Ted—

  GABE: Ted Ferrara. I’ll add you on Facebook—all we did today was talk about who we are, brainstorm ideas—I’ll message you about it later. We’re sponsoring a dance party Thursday, if you can come to that—and we meet here every Tuesday, three to four.

  TEDDY: I thought it was four.

  GABE: Nothing much happens at the first meeting. Hopefully you can come to the dance party. It’s just off campus, at The Lair, eighteen to get in—all the info’s on our website.

  TEDDY: Okay.

  (Teddy exits.)

  DREW: What a weirdo.

  GABE: He was a little awkward . . .

  DREW: Um: weirdo.

  GABE: He looks like a freshman. I was a mess my first year—until I met Tim—

  DREW: Are you in love with Tim?

  GABE: Am I in love with Tim? What’s that supposed to mean?

  DREW: He’s hot, you’re always talking about him—

  GABE: He’s my best friend. And he’s straight.

  DREW: You can’t be in love with a straight guy? You’re attracted to men—he’s a man.

  GABE: Well. No, I’m not in love with Tim. —I should have offered him a cupcake.

  DREW: He wouldn’t have taken it. Let’s go somewhere and make out.

  GABE: What am I going to do with all these?

  (Drew kisses Gabe.)

  Don’t you have to do newspaper stuff?

  DREW: Yes, but I want to make out.

  GABE: Ha—stop.

  DREW: Come over for a little—

  GABE: I thought you had to work all day because you have that big story coming out—

  DREW: Okay, so come to my office—

  GABE: I have work to do—

  DREW: No you don’t—

  GABE: I have a paper for my Political Anthropology class—

  DREW: God! So unromantic—

  GABE: I think another group has this room at 4:30—so we should—

  DREW: It’s 4:03! We could come twice in that time!

  GABE: Have sex in a classroom? Are you insane?

  DREW: I was just kidding. God, you take everything so seriously!

  GABE: Oh. Well—I’m a serious person.

  DREW: Which is why you should run for President. And before you yell at me for saying that—wanna come over tonight? I’d like to make you dinner. And you could stay the night . . .

  GABE: Like . . . ?

  DREW: Like—I’ll cook dinner. And you’ll sleep over for the first time.

  (Pause.)

  What?

  GABE: Nothing—

  DREW: You seem, like, scared suddenly.

  GABE: No—

  DREW: Why are you scared?

  GABE: I’m not! I’m just thinking.

  DREW: About?

  GABE: No, I just—in my head you had that big story so—I just assumed you’d be working—

  DREW: I have time. Come over at nine.

  GABE: . . . Okay.

  DREW: You’re scared for some reason. What the fuck.

  GABE: I’m not. I’m not.

  (Teddy enters.)

  TEDDY: Sorry—I just—it’s under Ted Ferrara.

  GABE: Oh—right.

  TEDDY: I couldn’t remember if I—said Teddy or Ted—

  GABE: You said both but—Ted—yeah—I’ll find you.

  TEDDY: Sorry—

  DREW (Going): I gotta run—see you tonight!

  (Drew exits. Pause.)

  GABE: Want a cupcake?

  TEDDY: Sure.

  GABE: You can have more to—give to your roommate or—

  TEDDY: Oh—um . . .

  GABE: You don’t have to. I just have a lot extra. So are you a freshman?

  TEDDY: Yeah.

  GABE: So a couple weeks—how’s it going?

  TEDDY: It’s good . . .

  GABE: It’s a big school, it can be a tough transition. Are you from nearby?

  TEDDY: Forty-five minutes . . .

  GABE: Yeah. So not too far. I had a kind of hard time adjusting at first . . .

  TEDDY: I like it so far . . .

  GABE: I also did a double major, Political Science and English—and worked. Do you work?

  TEDDY: I’m—I do computer programming—on my own, I make money doing that . . .

  GABE: Oh wow, that’s cool. Yeah—a lot of kids don’t work, a lot of them are rich—

  TEDDY: That guy is, you can tell.

  GABE: Oh—yeah—I got a big fellowship over the summer, this’ll be the first year I haven’t had to work. Actually have some free time my senior year! And I finally got a single!

  TEDDY: Yeah . . . My roommate is kind of weird.

  GABE: He is?

  TEDDY: I think he’s freaked out I’m gay a little.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: What did he—did he say or do something specific?

  TEDDY: I don’t know . . . not really. I don’t know. He’s okay.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Is he cute at least?

  TEDDY: Ha. I don’t know . . .

  GABE: Well . . . hopefully you can come to the dance party Thursday.

  TEDDY: Yeah.

  GABE: And I’ll message you. Ted Ferrara.

  (Teddy smiles and exits.)

  1.2

  President enters.

  PRESIDENT: They’re pissed off? By the way, when did they become the Social Justice Committee?

  PROVOST: At the final meeting last semester.

  PRESIDENT: What was wrong with Diversity Committee?

  PROVOST: They felt the name was too ocular.

  PRESIDENT: In English.

  PROVOST: Just because you see a lot of people of color and women and gays in a room—it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. What matters are the values they’re advocating for.

  PRESIDENT: Right. So is my good friend Ellen leading the charge?

  PROVOST: I know you think she doesn’t like you—

  PRESIDENT: She might like me, but she also wants to cut my balls off. Not mutually exclusive.

  PROVOST: She’s—well, did you get a chance to look at the working group report?

  PRESIDENT: I saw how long it was and decided to contemplate suicide instead.

  PROVOST: Well—

  PRESIDENT: Are there things we can implement right away?

  PROVOST: That’s the issue. They feel we’ve moved too slowly—it got pretty heated at the last—

  PRESIDENT: So what can we give them quickly?

  PROVOST: Well, they were crafty—they’re asking for big things—

  PRESIDENT: So we can’t get off the hook by giving them small things. I can’t believe I thought I was getting out of politics by taking this job. I wasn’t naive—but the extent of it!

  PROVOST: Well—since you bring it up—

  PRESIDENT: What—the rumors I’m going to run for Senate?

  PROVOST: Well—let me get to the heart of things.

  PRESIDENT: The working group report isn’t the heart of things?

  PROVOST: No. The reason I wanted to talk to you so urgently is—Ellen has heard a rumor. Kevin Gillman—the student who committed suicide last year—

  PRESIDENT: Of course—

  PROVOST: Well, the rumor is that the Daily is about to publish a story saying—that he was gay. The implication being that the climate at the university—led to, or contributed to, his suicide.

  PRESIDENT: That kid had a psychotic break. He was on LSD.

  PROVOST: Right—

  PRESIDENT: He was giggling as he leapt off the balcony. There were witnesses all over the library.

  PROVOST: I don’t know the details of the story or what the evidence is—but that’s the rumor.

  PRESIDENT: And what? They’re ready to turn this into a big—

  PROVOST: I think it’s in our interest to get out in front of it. Because of the rumors you might run for the Senate again�
�I think they think the press will pay more attention to what’s happening at the school—so they could potentially turn this into a much bigger—

  PRESIDENT: What do you think they want? I mean what’s the thing they’re not expecting us to give them that we actually could give them without, you know—creating a new bureaucracy.

  PROVOST: You should read the report.

  PRESIDENT: You’re so ominous. Is it that out there?

  PROVOST: What they want would mean a fundamental shift in the university culture.

  PRESIDENT: What’s one example.

  PROVOST: Requiring diversity on syllabi.

  PRESIDENT: Requiring?

  PROVOST: All syllabi would be screened by the Provost’s office to ensure that writers from minority groups were included in the course readings.

  PRESIDENT: You’re kidding. What about academic freedom?

  PROVOST: Many of them see true academic freedom as necessitating diversity. There are various levels of support for the idea but even on the milder spectrum—they want the university to put real pressure on professors to have diverse syllabi.

  PRESIDENT: What else?

  PROVOST: Gender-neutral bathrooms.

  PRESIDENT: I thought we had those.

  PROVOST: We have some. They want them in the same proportion as men’s and women’s.

  PRESIDENT: Like—literally wherever we have two bathrooms—

  PROVOST: There would be a third option for transgender and gender-variant students.

  PRESIDENT: How many transgender students do we have?

  PROVOST: There’s controversy about the actual number but—probably a few hundred—

  PRESIDENT: Out of forty thousand—and they don’t see the absurdity—just in terms of cost alone—

  PROVOST: They don’t see their task as having anything to do with practical—

  PRESIDENT: But isn’t the point of being transgender that you—want to be a specific gender?

  PROVOST: The argument is that gender-questioning and transgender students often don’t feel comfortable or safe in either of the—

  PRESIDENT: Okay. So what you’re saying is this is not gonna be an easy—I got it.

  PROVOST: I suggest we have a lunch tomorrow—invite Ellen and some students from this population—and begin a dialogue. So if that article comes out we can say—

  PRESIDENT: We’ve already been—smart. Let’s do it. (Going) Want to run my Senate campaign?