Teddy Ferrara Page 2

  1.3

  TIM (On phone): Dude, she is so hot. Thank God it’s still warm—her legs. No, she’s standing for some reason. I think she’s eating a knish. She’s hot eating a knish. That is crazy.

  No—she messaged me to ask what she missed in class and I told her, and she wrote back, “Why did you take Twentieth-Century Fiction?” And I wrote, “The books are shorter than older books.” And she wrote, “Right, more time to look at porn.”

  Dude—I’m like a gentle breeze away from a boner. Why do I have a girlfriend again? Think Jenny would mind if I cheated on her just once—

  (Gabe enters on phone.)

  GABE: You are such a pig—

  TIM: Check her out—

  GABE: Hang up!

  (They hang up their phones.)

  TIM: See?

  GABE: Fine, she has nice legs!

  TIM: Since when do they have knish here—

  GABE: So: I’m this weird mix of excited and upset!

  TIM: Yeah, what’s up?

  GABE: Well, the excited part—I’m having lunch with the President tomorrow.

  TIM: Of the United States?

  GABE: No! The school.

  TIM: What’s the reason?

  GABE: I think he wants to talk about LGBT issues. It’s a really small group—

  TIM: That’s awesome. Can I give you a tip? His mind wanders. It seems like he’s not paying attention—but he is. He’s just, like, super curious and tangential. Don’t get nervous. Just keep talking, he’s totally hearing you. Also, he really likes people who speak their mind.

  GABE: Cool, thanks.

  TIM: What are you upset about?

  GABE: So I was supposed to meet Drew at nine for dinner.

  TIM: Uh-huh?

  GABE: The President’s office called at five and—I got excited. It’s a really big opportunity. And I started, like, daydreaming—what if he runs for the Senate, I’m graduating in the spring, could I work for his campaign, could I work in his Senate office—I didn’t get my work done, it was 6:30, and I just—I felt like it would be better if I saw Drew another time. I need to write this paper and I wanted time to mentally prepare for tomorrow—

  TIM: Of course!

  GABE: So I texted him and asked if we could get together tomorrow instead—I explained everything and I just said Wednesday would be nicer because the lunch will be over—

  TIM: Yeah?

  GABE: He didn’t text me back. And he is always on his phone for newspaper stuff—he always texts back. So I texted again. Nothing. So then I called, left a message. Then he texted me.

  (Shows Tim his phone.)

  TIM: Whoa. Jumping to conclusions a little!

  GABE: I know! “Scared of intimacy,” I mean—

  TIM: That is crazy. You have a huge day tomorrow!

  GABE: So I texted him back and told him I could see him any time this week, just not tonight—

  TIM: What did he say?

  GABE: Nothing yet.

  TIM: I need to meet this dude so I can decide if you’re allowed to let him ruin our senior year.

  GABE: I guess I’ll just see how he responds . . . Anyway—you meeting Jenny now?

  TIM: Yes but I have a cheating fantasy taking root.

  GABE: Not really though.

  TIM: Oh, she’s leaving. Finished her knish. Am I gonna let her go? I am—

  GABE: You really want to cheat on Jenny?

  TIM: No . . . But—we’re not gonna get married, are we? We’re twenty-one.

  GABE: But you really love her . . .

  TIM: Yeah . . . I mean I think I love her—but do I really?

  GABE: Yes! You’ve been going out since the beginning of freshman year!

  TIM: I don’t know why I’m having these thoughts suddenly—

  GABE: Part of me thinks I’m falling in love with Drew.

  TIM: After one week?

  GABE: Yeah—

  (Jenny enters.)

  JENNY: Hey! Hi, Gabe, I didn’t you were gonna be here—

  TIM: You’re early!

  JENNY: Just five minutes. There was literally nothing to do in the admissions office today—

  GABE: So you guys are getting some food—

  TIM: We are! Wanna come?

  GABE: I would, but I have stuff to do, I’m just gonna grab something—

  TIM: Gabe has boyfriend problems.

  GABE: I do, sort of—

  JENNY: He’s a boyfriend already? That’s great!

  GABE: Maybe—we’ll see—

  TIM: We’re going to get pizza, isn’t that right?

  JENNY: Is that what we’re getting?

  TIM: I thought that’s we decided upon after considering the many delicious options.

  GABE: Before you go—I actually had one more thing to ask you—

  TIM: Jesus! You’re falling apart!

  GABE: Shut up. You can answer, too, Jenny. Drew—had this idea that I should run for Student Assembly President. At first I was like, No, that’s not really my personality—but then—I don’t know, part of me started to think—I do want to work in politics—maybe I should do it—but—I don’t know, do you think I would actually like it? If I won of course—

  JENNY: You’d love it! It’s just like a bigger version of what you do with the Queer Students—

  TIM: I mean—yeah—I think you’d like it—for sure.

  GABE: Really?

  TIM: The only thing to think about is how important it is to you to have fun this year. It is a lot of—meetings and—you definitely wouldn’t have as much time to fart around—

  GABE: But you had—free time last year, we hung out a lot—

  TIM: True, but you’d be getting used to it for a while since you’ve never—it would be a lot. I know you were psyched not to have to work this year . . .

  JENNY: You should totally do it. Like you said, it’s what you want to do.

  GABE: And you liked it, I mean—but you didn’t want to do it again—

  TIM: I wanted to have fun senior year. But—yeah, you know—interesting issues come up, you get a lot of face time with important people in the administration, it’s great on your résumé—you just have to decide how important free time is to you.

  GABE: Right. But it’s not like I wouldn’t have any free time—

  TIM: Just make sure you really want to do it and it’s not just about that this guy wants you to.

  GABE: No—it’s my own . . .

  JENNY: I want to meet him. We should all go out!

  TIM: Yeah, let’s get drinks soon—before you dump his ass!

  GABE: Ha. Maybe we could do it before the dance party—if you guys are coming. He’s not.

  TIM: He’s not?

  GABE: He doesn’t like gay clubs—

  TIM: I don’t know, are we going?—

  JENNY: Aren’t you working Friday morning?

  TIM: No, I switched shifts with someone, so I’m doing Saturday and Sunday brunch now.

  JENNY: Oh. Well—let’s say drinks before, and if we can go to the dance party—

  GABE: Cool, I’ll see what he says—if he’s ever in touch again. Anyway—thanks for meeting up!

  TIM: Later!

  JENNY: Bye, Gabe!

  (They go. Teddy approaches Gabe.)

  GABE: Oh—hey!

  TEDDY: Hi—

  GABE: I haven’t added you yet—sorry. Turned out to be a busy day.

  TEDDY: It’s okay.

  GABE: I’ll do it later tonight—

  TEDDY: Was that your boyfriend?

  GABE: No—that’s my best friend.

  TEDDY: I meant from before . . .

  GABE: Oh—we’re—figuring that out I guess!

  TEDDY: How did you meet?

  GABE: We just—we sort of knew each other from around, but we’d never really talked—I got back to school and I ran into him on my way to the library . . . and we just started talking.

  TEDDY: What did you guys talk about?

  GABE: There was an article in the
Daily about the group I run—so we talked about that at first. He doesn’t really like the idea of a Queer Student Group, he thinks it’s too “segregated”—

  TEDDY: I have a date tonight—

  GABE: Oh yeah? Nice!

  TEDDY: This guy I met on Manhunt.

  GABE: Ahh.

  TEDDY: I asked my roommate if I could have the room to myself from nine to eleven, so . . .

  GABE: Is he—you said you thought he was freaked out that you were gay, right?

  TEDDY: I don’t know, he let me have it, so—I think he’s pretty cool, just a little awkward . . .

  GABE: Well—definitely—if you come to the dance party—you might meet people that way, too.

  TEDDY: Yeah. We’ll see how it goes . . .

  GABE: Good luck—

  TEDDY: Did you ever do that—Manhunt?

  GABE: Um—you know, it’s not really my thing—

  TEDDY: Have you had lots of boyfriends?

  GABE: I’ve dated but—that’s one of the reasons for the group actually—to try to create a community of . . . It’s really hard to meet people, even in this day and age—

  TEDDY: Hopefully it’ll go well tonight with this guy, so . . .

  GABE: Yeah—well, I should get going—

  TEDDY: Okay—

  GABE: I’ll message you later though!

  (Gabe goes. Teddy takes out his phone, snaps a picture of himself.)

  1.4

  NICKY: What is he saying?

  DREW: Sorry, just finishing . . .

  NICKY: Does he admit he got scared—

  DREW: Nope!

  NICKY: That sucks.

  DREW: The email is basically just him asking me to have drinks with his friends Thursday before the dance.

  NICKY: Nothing about how he freaked out when you invited him over?

  DREW: No! It’s like he won’t even acknowledge what I wrote.—Anyway. What’s up?

  NICKY: So . . . I thought more about the piece and—I just don’t feel comfortable putting my name on it.

  DREW: What are you talking about? We’re about to go to press.

  NICKY: I just keep coming back to—there has to be some other evidence Kevin was gay.

  DREW: Nicky, we resolved this! When he told me freshman year that he thought he might be gay, he told me he had never told anyone and that he would probably never act on it.

  NICKY: How could he not tell anyone else ever. It doesn’t make—

  DREW: He was incredibly private, and he didn’t want to be gay!

  NICKY: But you guys weren’t in touch after freshman year. You really think he never—

  DREW: In his mind, he was settled—he was not going to deal with that part of himself. Which is why he ditched me and why he never spoke to me again! —You saw his emails to me—

  NICKY: But those just show that you guys were friends, there was nothing in them that—I really feel like I should go back and ask people who knew him if there was anything—

  DREW: All they’ll say is that he wasn’t gay, because he never told anyone—why is this so hard to—

  NICKY: I just—maybe if it wasn’t that the anonymous source was also the editor of the paper—

  DREW: But that’s the only way this story can get told. I’m the only person who knows!

  NICKY: But it is a conflict of interest, you have to admit that.

  DREW: I’ve gotten media attention from other stories I’ve published, I don’t need this to—

  NICKY: If there’s just one more piece of the puzzle that—

  DREW: Nicky, all over the country kids are killing themselves because they’re gay. Because still in this day and age it’s not acceptable. Because still there is bullying, and hate, and prejudice. We need to tell this story. Go on Manhunt—how many closeted guys are on there? How many frat boys are getting blowjobs in the ninth-floor library bathroom—

  NICKY: Well what I was thinking is—why not write a first-person piece? That solves the whole—

  DREW: Because then the story becomes about me. It will seem like self-promotion.

  NICKY: But it will have the same impact and it’s up front. You’re speaking honestly about—

  DREW: People won’t believe me. He was so hot. People will say I’m delusional.

  NICKY: Drew—you’re a really sexy guy—

  DREW: You know what he looked like. He was like an Abercrombie & Fitch model.

  NICKY: Well—I think it’s also that . . . —You won’t really tell me exactly what happened . . .

  DREW: You mean that I won’t go into all the details?

  NICKY: Yeah. “Hooked up” can mean anything—if the point of the piece is that he’s gay—

  DREW: It’s a piece about all his possible motives—why would you need every little—

  NICKY: Come on—the point is to say that he was gay—

  DREW: Hold on a second—are we done with the earlier discussion? Did I miss something?

  NICKY: It just—it started to bug me. I respected at the time that you didn’t want to go into too many details because it was still painful—but there’s a difference between sex and just—

  DREW: But are you saying now that if I tell you exactly what happened you’ll be okay with putting your name on it?

  NICKY: Well—depending on what happened . . .

  DREW: Then it’s okay that I’m the editor and I’m the single source for the—

  NICKY: I—yeah. I just need something more—to believe that he was gay . . .

  DREW: Nicky. It happened one time. After it happened, he’d pass me in the dorm like he didn’t even know me. It was incredibly painful. And that’s all I’m going to say.

  NICKY: So—you’d rather not tell me more of what happened than have the article published—

  DREW: Fine. I’ll pull the article.

  NICKY: Why—can’t you write it as a—

  DREW (Gets text): Whoa.

  NICKY: What?

  DREW: Gabe is going to run for Student Assembly President. He just decided.

  NICKY: Oh . . .

  DREW: Imagine if we had a gay President. How awesome would that be!

  (Pause.)

  NICKY: All right—you can publish it with my name on it.

  (Pause.)

  DREW: You’re sure? It’s up to you.

  NICKY: It’s fine, I’m just being— (Going) I’ll talk to you later.

  DREW: Thank you!

  1.5

  TEDDY (On computer, dressed, wearing ear buds, intermittently types as he speaks into his computer): Nine. No, he’s going to call me when he gets here. He’s not a student, I have to sign him in. He’s not here, I asked him if I could have the room from nine to eleven and he said yeah. Two hours seemed long enough but you never know, ha.

  If he was hot . . . then I would definitely jerk off in his bed when he wasn’t here. But he’s not hot.

  You want me to show you his dirty underwear? I just told you, he’s not hot!

  Slow down with the questions! One at a time. Jeez.

  I am not leaving the camera on. Ha. No, you do not get to see that.

  I have all these canker sores right now. What causes them, anyone know? Can I give a blowjob with canker sores? Hurts.

  Why would he come in if he promised me the room? You’re delusional, he’s not gay.

  You wanna see what he’s getting? Yeah? You want a peek? Ha. All right . . .

  (Teddy stands, starts to push down his pants. The phone rings.)

  Shit—gotta go. Sorry. Later, studs!

  (Teddy closes the computer, readies himself, and exits.)

  1.6

  GABE: Welcome to my luxurious single!

  DREW: Yeah. There’s a reason we’ve been hanging out at my place.

  GABE: It took me three years to nab this. Look at the beautiful exposed cinderblock wall . . .

  DREW: And this tiny bed. Don’t you think they should give you bigger beds at some point?

  GABE: You’d need bigger rooms.

  DREW
: There’s room for a fifty-thousand-seat stadium. I think you’ve found your winning issue!

  GABE: I highly doubt luxury dorms are in the university’s long-term planning.

  DREW: That’s the benefit of having me as a boyfriend—if that’s what we are.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Right.

  DREW: We really like each other, I thought.

  GABE: I—yeah.

  DREW: So why are you getting cold feet?

  GABE (Gets text): Sorry, just—

  DREW: Jesus! What the fuck—

  GABE: Tim wants to get a beer—I’ll tell him no—

  DREW: It can’t wait till we’re done talking?

  GABE: It’ll take two seconds.

  DREW: It’s up to you.

  (Pause. Gabe texts.)

  GABE: Okay. So. I just—I do want to apologize.

  DREW: Sure you wouldn’t rather just text me an apology?

  GABE: Drew! I invited you over—

  DREW: But you seem to prefer things to be at a distance, so—

  GABE: I’m not scared of intimacy. But I did—hesitate when you asked me to come over earlier. And—I’ve thought about it and—I think you’re right. —I did get scared in that moment.

  DREW: Why?

  GABE: I just—something about you cooking dinner and staying over . . .

  DREW: It was a step.

  GABE: Yeah.

  DREW: And you don’t want to take a step?

  GABE: I do, I just . . .

  DREW: Just . . . ?

  I’ve been really hurt in the past. That’s something you need to know.

  GABE: Who—hurt you?

  DREW: I don’t want to talk about it now.

  GABE: Why not?

  DREW: I don’t feel safe.

  (Pause.)

  If you’re going to get scared and run—do it now. I can’t go through that later on.

  GABE: I mean . . . I can’t say for sure where things will go with us—

  DREW: I’m not asking you to marry me! I know things might not work out, just—if you know you’re not really up to this—then let me go now.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: I think what happened was—this morning—you know, I woke up horny and—usually I jerk off to porn or—I think about someone I really want but could never have—

  DREW: Tim?

  GABE: No—no, someone—that I don’t know, really, like a hot guy I see or—