Teddy Ferrara Page 3
DREW: You could have hot guys—
GABE: No, like, they’re straight or—anyway, I started to—jerk off and—you came into my head. It’s the first time—someone—that I fantasized to someone that I had actually been with.
(Pause.)
DREW: I don’t understand, are you saying you don’t want me in reality?
GABE: No—the opposite! I got—it freaked me out for some reason. I tried to put you out of my head and put other guys there and—you kept coming back, I couldn’t—finally I just gave over to it—and I had this amazing orgasm, much more intense than usual and . . . I just freaked. It felt—so real now. Then I cleaned up and sort of put it out of my head and told myself it didn’t mean anything—but then when you invited me to stay over . . .
DREW: It felt real again.
GABE: And when I got the call from the President’s office . . .
DREW: You used that as an excuse.
(Pause. Gabe approaches Drew. He kisses him.)
Wait—
GABE: What?
DREW: Do you know what I want?
(Pause.)
GABE: You want . . . to be loved.
DREW: Yeah, but—more specifically . . .
GABE: Okay . . .
DREW: I want monogamy.
Trust.
No lies.
No games.
(Pause.)
GABE: I understand.
I want those things, too.
(Pause.)
I love you, Drew.
DREW: I love you, too.
(They kiss.)
1.7
TEDDY (On his computer as before): No. Not in the mood. For those of you just coming in—I’m just looking to talk. Go jerk off to someone else’s cam.
Yes. He came over. I don’t kiss and tell, sorry.
No, not till after. If I’d noticed it before why would I—
Ugh, pay attention, people! I walked the guy out. Yes he was hot. When I came back to my room I noticed my roommate’s webcam pointed at my bed. It’s never been that direction before. So I checked his Facebook and Twitter—he posted that I was hooking up with a guy and said that he had just been watching us, remotely. Yeah, using his webcam on someone else’s computer—
I’m not sure. Student code says “recorded”—I don’t know if he recorded me, he probably just broadcast it—and I can tell from the angle that he probably couldn’t see much—maybe just the edge of the bed—so I don’t know if they can do anything . . .
Oh yeah—I don’t know how many people saw but—all these people wrote on his Wall, like, “Ew,” “How can you go back in there.” I screengrabbed it. I have evidence!
Might talk to my RA or fill out a new-roommate-request form. I don’t know yet. I have to think about it. I mean they probably won’t even do anything about it . . .
I have the room till eleven at least, so I have an hour I guess . . . God, you guys are hungry for my cock tonight—
Ugh, fine! —Duh, I turned off his computer as soon as I saw his Facebook—
(He stands up and begins to touch himself over his clothes.)
Mm. Yeah . . . God, I guess I’m still fucking horny . . .
2.1
Alarm goes off.
GABE: Uhhhhnnnn!
DREW: Ha!
GABE: You seem awake . . .
DREW: I’ve been up for a while.
GABE: Why?
DREW: Couldn’t sleep.
GABE: You’ve just been laying here? How long?
DREW: What else am I going to do?
GABE: Go out and get me breakfast?
DREW: Ha . . . No, I just watched you.
GABE: You watched me?
DREW: Watched you sleep. You’re beautiful.
(Pause.)
GABE: Thanks.
Why couldn’t you sleep?
DREW: Probably this bed.
GABE: I know. It’s a miracle we slept at all—
DREW: Did you have a bad dream?
GABE: A bad dream? . . .
DREW: Like twenty minutes ago you were moving around a lot. Just for a little bit.
GABE: Oh . . . I did have a dream . . . It wasn’t bad though . . .
DREW: What was it?
GABE: It was a dream about Tim.
DREW: Of course.
GABE: What?
DREW: You’re so obviously in love with him!
GABE: Stop saying that!—
DREW: What was the dream?
GABE: All I remember is—we went to the university bookstore together. And he wanted to buy me The Scarlet Letter—but I said I already had two copies.
That’s it.
DREW: Obvious.
GABE: What? I want to have sex with him?
DREW: The opposite. You’re finally figuring out that he wants to have sex with you.
(Pause.)
GABE: I need to get some breakfast—want to come?
DREW: How many straight guys do you know whose best friend is gay?
GABE: We’ve gone camping alone together, we’ve slept next to each other for—if he wanted to try something—I don’t even understand how that’s your interpretation!
DREW: Well what’s yours?
GABE: He—misses me a little. Since I started dating you. And he wants to give me something.
DREW: Give you what?
GABE: Something—I don’t know. Something I—don’t need?
DREW: That’s my interpretation! He wants to give you something you already have—me. Sex!
GABE: Wait—how are you The Scarlet—
DREW: It’s a book about sex!
GABE: No, that’s—I think it’s—we’re both Political Science majors and English minors. It’s going back to how we met freshman year, how we bonded over doing the same—
DREW: How many hundreds of books could your unconscious have chosen.
GABE: You’re crazy.
DREW: Did you wake up with a boner?
GABE: I—always wake up with a boner. (Gets text) Funny. Tim.
DREW: Big surprise . . .
GABE: Wow—that’s kind of weird . . .
DREW: What?
GABE: No, I’m—he just wanted to tell me he’s decided to run for reelection after all.
DREW: Whoa—did he say why he changed his mind?
GABE: Just that he thought about it some more and he’d like to do it again. “Hope that’s okay.”
DREW: You really think that’s the reason—
GABE: I gotta get this day started, get ready for this lunch. You want to have breakfast?
DREW: I have newspaper stuff. I like how you changed the subject.
GABE: We’re all getting drinks tomorrow! I’m uncomfortable talking about him this way!
DREW: All right. But he’s really acting out I think. I bet he tries to break us up.
GABE: According to you, he’s going to break into my room tonight and try to rape me!
DREW: If that happens, make sure you record it.
GABE: Stop!
DREW: So am I seeing you later?
GABE: I have some dance party stuff to do tonight. Thought any more about coming?
DREW: You really have to ask me that?
GABE: Well maybe after a few drinks with Tim and Jenny you’ll change your mind.
DREW: I’m a journalist. I should never be in a club. I should be alone in a dive-bar feeling suicidal.
GABE: Yeah well . . . I guess we’ll see each other for a little while Thursday.
DREW: For drinks with Tim and his fake girlfriend. Before you go ghettoize yourself at the club.
GABE: You are such a brat.
DREW: You love me for it.
GABE: Kind of . . .
DREW: You know you do. All right. You look ready to go.
GABE: I am.
DREW: Can I stay here for a little bit? I could use a little more sleep . . .
GABE: Sure. Of course.
DREW: Thanks.
(They kiss.)
I love you.
DREW: And don’t forget to declare today. You’re gonna get busy with Queer Students crap—
GABE: Well—now I’m not sure.
DREW: Why not?
GABE: If Tim’s running—
DREW: We need you, Gabe. You have to run.
GABE: I feel like I need to talk to Tim about it—
DREW: Don’t think about him—you want to do it, just do it. What time’s your lunch today?
GABE: One-thirty.
DREW: Good luck. Let me know how it goes.
GABE: Okay, will do.
(Gabe goes. Drew takes out his phone.)
DREW: Hey. You up? You ready for the big day?
It should go online around 1:30. Can you make sure you’re cleaned up later? I have a feeling the news is really gonna jump on this story. You should be ready to go on TV.
I don’t know, I just wanted to share it with you. I thought he looked so sweet, sleeping like . . . I was just bored.
Okay. See you in the office in a little bit.
2.2
Gabe enters with tray.
TEDDY: Hey.
GABE: Oh—hey! I still haven’t messaged you—
TEDDY: It’s okay.
GABE: It was a—I have this big lunch today— Are you coming to the dance party tomorrow?
TEDDY: Um—
GABE: You don’t have to dance. I know people feel like—I’m not a great dancer—
TEDDY: I have all these canker sores . . .
GABE: Well—hopefully you’ll feel better and can come.
TEDDY: I think it’s just stress, I’m developing this new computer program. I’m a programmer—
GABE: Oh yeah? Cool—
TEDDY: All night I’m programming, a lot of people are dependent on the work I do—
GABE: Right. Oh—how did your date go?
TEDDY: Good. We have another date, so. Wait, tomorrow—I’m seeing him tomorrow, so.
GABE: Bring him to the dance party! Anyone can come—
TEDDY: I have a lot of programming to do, I’m on a deadline. Because so many people are—
GABE: Actually—my friend’s here so I have to run—
TEDDY: Okay—
GABE: But—I’ll message you—
(Teddy exits.)
(Going to Tim) Hey—
TIM: That’s not Drew, is it?
GABE: You think I would have sex with that?
TIM: I don’t know what turns you on!
GABE: No—he’s just this kid who missed the first Queer Students meeting. You’re not eating?
TIM: I want to get a run in before class. What’s up?
GABE: I just—I mean I got your text obviously—
TIM: Yeah—
GABE: So I just wanted to—you’re not, like, mad at me, are you?
TIM: For what?
GABE: No, I—because you weren’t going to run and then—I mean I don’t have to run—
TIM: No! Do it!
GABE: I only did it because you weren’t—
TIM: I got it into my head that I wanted more free time this year but—I thought about it some more and I just changed my mind.
GABE: Right . . .
TIM: But I’m not mad you decided to run—I think it’s awesome. May the best man win!
GABE: Okay . . . That was—I just wanted to—
TIM: Cool. All right, I’m gonna go get my run in—
GABE: Cool—and I know we haven’t really had a chance to hang out much—
TIM: Understandable—you’re getting to know this dude—
GABE: Right—soon I hope. —Oh—Drew is good for Thursday night if you guys are still up for—
TIM: Oh! Yeah . . . I think so. I’ll have to check, but—
GABE: Cool.
TIM: Later!
(Tim goes.)
2.3
PRESIDENT: Sorry I’m late—Homecoming stuff—did you know we invited the cast of Beach Crew—
PROVOST: I know—
PRESIDENT: We’re paying these morons thirty-four thousand dollars! For what? To act out scenes from their reality show?
PROVOST: The students voted in an online poll—they wanted them—of all the options—
PRESIDENT: This is gonna be a thing—
PROVOST: I know—so in the room—
PRESIDENT: I got the names—Ellen, Gabe, Jay and Jaq—Ellen I know obviously—
PROVOST: Jay is in the wheelchair—really bright kid, deeply involved in university issues—
PRESIDENT: Why’s he in a wheelchair, what’s his—
PROVOST: As I recall, he has a bone disorder—I don’t know the specific—
PRESIDENT: Just curious—now Jaq—that’s a funny spelling, with a “q”—
PROVOST: Jaq used to be Jacqueline—Jaq is transgender—currently transitioning—
PRESIDENT: So she changed her name—
PROVOST: He’s in the graduate program in Gender Studies, so he’s close to Ellen—
PRESIDENT: Won some awards for her writing—
PROVOST: His writing—you should refer to the gender . . . the person—
PRESIDENT: Right. I always find that weird but—Jay wheelchair, Jaq is a he—
PROVOST: And Gabe runs the Queer Students group—
PRESIDENT: When did it stop being the LGBTQ—
PROVOST: I think two years ago—
PRESIDENT: You were supposed to say, “When?” so I could say, “When they ran of out of letters!”
PROVOST: Right—
PRESIDENT: Here we go!
2.4
President and Provost enter.
PRESIDENT: Hello, everyone, sorry I’m late!
ELLEN: We’ve learned to be patient.
PRESIDENT: I hope pizza’s okay. I thought it’d be fun if we kept things casual. Even got a vegan one!
(Pizza is eaten throughout the following.)
As a way of getting us into the discussion—I had an experience at the mall the other day—I was standing in line to get a cinnamon bun—mistake number one—and there was this group of teenage boys behind me—and every other word was “faggot” or “fag”—
PROVOST: Dig in everyone—
PRESIDENT: It was unbelievable. Finally I turned to them and said, “Why do you guys use all these derogatory terms for gay people, why is that?” The kid who looked like the leader, the good-looking one, shrugged his shoulders, like he had no idea. I said, “Come on, there has to be a reason!” Nothing. I turned around, got my—these seemed like decent kids—
ELLEN: They’ve been socialized to believe that heterosexuality is the ideal, and homosexuality—
PRESIDENT: Sure—but isn’t it also—there weren’t any girls there—they’re hanging out together, trying to look good—they’re probably scared they’re a little gay! So that’s a way of—
ELLEN: Might be part of it. But if that’s all it was, they could just talk about girls all the time.
PRESIDENT: Well, they were doing that, too. And in pretty offensive ways actually. I kept hearing these—“hymen ripping”—one kid said “anal bleeding” in reference to a girl—
ELLEN: The link to me is violence—whether it’s gay men or women, the language—
PRESIDENT: That’s interesting—that reminds me of another—a friend of mine—this is a little graphic but I think it’s so illustrative—he has a teenage daughter, fourteen I think—and she had her first sexual experience—with a boy her age, I don’t think she knew him very well—typical first time—but—she recounted this to her mother afterwards because she was so traumatized—they’re having intercourse and at the climactic moment—the boy—it was his first time, too, I believe—he, instead of finishing—in the way he’s been—forgive me for being graphic, but he pulls out of her and ejaculates on her face!
PROVOST: Nice lunch conversation—
PRESIDENT: Well look, on the one hand it is a—but the point is, the reason, the girl was upset and started crying and the b
oy ended up saying that—he had seen that in pornography so many times, he thought that’s what—sex was, that when the man is about to finish—that that’s what he does, that’s what women like! He was upset, too, he didn’t mean to—but from the time he was a little kid he’s been seeing this stuff online—now that was sort of a tangent because it doesn’t have anything to do with gay, or queer, issues but—I mean if you’re gay, or transgender, or—you’re living in this world where there’s a lot of crass, demeaning, violent—I mean look at what’s happening at Yale, one of our great universities being investigated by the federal government for a pervasive culture of sexual harassment—so this stuff is on my mind, this link between sex and degradation in our culture right now. And so this lunch—I want to know what we can do to change, to try to begin to change, I can’t do it all myself, the school can’t do, can’t magically—but the question is, what can we do to begin to try to change the culture here—so that the pervasiveness of violence, even just verbally or—violence and sex, sexual orientation—how can we create a culture where those things aren’t so linked?
PROVOST: As we eat our pizza.
PRESIDENT: Yes. Don’t be shy! That’s the—I was trying to set a tone, so no one feels shy—
ELLEN: You did a very good job.
PRESIDENT: Thank you, Ellen!
JAQ: Well one thing I’d like to know is—are you running for the Senate?
PRESIDENT: Ha! Not the lead-off I was expecting. Well—why do you ask?
JAQ: If you do—what kind of commitment can queer people expect from you as a Senator?
PRESIDENT: You taping this? Ha. Gotta ask these days. Look—to be frank—as a Senator you have one vote, it’s a relatively limited, who knows what the—what I can say is that things are changing rapidly in this area and I support those changes. Now you’ll accuse me of dodging your question but—can I ask, are you self-identified as transgender?
JAQ: I consider myself transgender, yes.
PRESIDENT: Now, just so I—you consider yourself—both, or—just the one you—feel yourself to be?
JAQ: I am a man.
PRESIDENT: So both a man and transgender—see this is fascinating, because this is sort of the new thing—you look back even ten years and this wasn’t on the radar—it’s like going back twenty years and I don’t think anyone would have thought you’d have so many gay characters on TV—so I think you see how fast the culture is moving—I mean—I forget the number, but I think we have very few students who self-identify as transgender—