Teddy Ferrara Page 4

  JAQ: There are a lot more than just those who self-identify on a form—

  PRESIDENT: Oh, sure, I didn’t mean to imply—

  PROVOST: We started the Gender Identity Task Force in 2005 because we perceived that transgender students didn’t feel comfortable being open—

  JAQ: There’s also a lot of people somewhere on the continuum who—

  PRESIDENT: That’s what I mean, you’re sort of a pioneer but—probably this will be, in ten or twenty years—I remember from my days reading Freud—you know, he thought everybody sort of—not to get into it too much—but there’s always been these Hollywood actors ending up getting arrested with transvestites, right—I mean if everybody is sort of bisexual and has an inner woman and an inner man—anyway—my point is—

  ELLEN: You have a point?

  PRESIDENT: Believe it or not—ha—my point is—our job, if we can, is to try to help these things along, because society is slow—it’s conservative—and universities have traditionally—

  ELLEN: No, exactly, I agree. It’s interesting to hear you free-associate on these—

  PRESIDENT: Guilty as charged—

  ELLEN: But I know our time is limited—and I want to focus on very concrete steps we can take—not that we should need this meeting to accomplish anything that should start happening through the Social Justice Committee working with the Provost’s office—

  PRESIDENT: No, that’s all still—

  ELLEN: But what a committee can’t do, even when writing a very strongly worded report, is convey the emotional immediacy of these issues. I have students who want to die.

  (Pause.)

  PRESIDENT: Sure. Of course.

  JAQ: I wanted to kill myself.

  PRESIDENT: Did you. Do you—is that something you still . . .

  JAQ: I’ve worked very hard to address the underlying issues.

  PRESIDENT: Well that’s great to hear. And our, hopefully our counseling services have been responsive to you, if that’s where you—

  JAQ: I didn’t seek treatment there because I didn’t feel they were knowledgeable about—

  ELLEN: This is an issue the committee has—

  PROVOST: Certainly our counseling services need to be educated about all—

  PRESIDENT: That’s an important—I mean Ellen, and Jaq, hearing you say that—ever read Camus?

  (Pause.)

  JAQ: I have not.

  PRESIDENT: Anyone?

  GABE: I have.

  PRESIDENT: What about you, Jay?

  JAY: I’ve read some . . .

  PRESIDENT: Well let me ask you two—since Ellen brought it up—do you ever think about suicide?

  JAY: I’ve—definitely been depressed at times . . .

  GABE: In high school I did . . .

  PRESIDENT: Now Ellen, I don’t want to take anything away from what you—I bring up Camus because—we’re a university, we have two goals as I see it: to educate you and to take care of you en route your becoming an adult—and I think one of the ways we do that is by caring for your emotional needs—including the need to experience the world free from discrimination and prejudice—but I can answer the question too and say—No, I don’t think about suicide now—but I did when I was younger—and I think part of what’s interesting to me about what we have to do—it’s not that I object to your, to the conclusions you draw, Ellen—I’m sure despair fastens to whatever is unique about a person’s life experience—but suicide is a very common—when people are young and trying to understand themselves and the world—it’s a very existential thing—it’s part of coming to terms with being thrown into the world against your will, the pain of—correct me if I’m wrong but unless I’m misremembering, Camus wrote about this—am I—

  GABE: —that suicide is the only real philosophical question.

  PRESIDENT: Yes. Now that’s—in Camus’s view, a necessary step to—

  ELLEN: I understand your point, but I am reading papers from my students and it’s not an existential dilemma causing them to consider suicide. It’s the structural oppression they are facing at every level of university life—in dorms, in classrooms, in public spaces—

  PRESIDENT: And that’s why I said I’m committed—I wasn’t trying to be flippant—I’m just saying, we’re at a university—I remember staying up all night my freshman year reading Shakespeare and realizing—life is tragic! We have to prepare our kids for that fact!

  ELLEN: Everyone knows life is tragic—

  PRESIDENT: Do our students know? “Kids today”—I hate that phrase—but do they?

  PROVOST: I do think that we can do both—encourage students to think in the deepest ways about the problems of living—while ensuring they feel safe enough to do that.

  ELLEN: Those goals are actually interdependent. If a student doesn’t feel safe he or she can’t—

  PRESIDENT: This might sound like a strange question—but have the three of you met before today?

  (Pause.)

  There’s your answer.

  ELLEN: Oppressed groups frequently internalize their oppression—

  PRESIDENT: Come on, don’t intellectualize—

  ELLEN: I’m not—

  PRESIDENT: Why aren’t the three of you friends? Or at least why don’t you know each other?

  (Pause.)

  JAQ: There aren’t really opportunities . . .

  PRESIDENT: What about—isn’t there a dance coming up? Queer Students—right? You guys going?

  GABE: Well—I have to, since I’m the—

  PRESIDENT: Okay—Jaq?

  JAQ: It’s not my thing.

  PRESIDENT: Why not?

  JAQ: It’s a very—no offense—homogeneous group—

  GABE: No, I—we’ve tried to make it more inclusive—

  JAQ: It’s not your fault—

  PRESIDENT: Jay?

  JAY: The one time I went to a club, a group of guys asked me if my penis worked—so—

  JAQ: That sounds like things people say to me. Horrible.

  PRESIDENT: All right, so—but this should be a friendly—right—or even if it isn’t fully—you guys know each other now—and if you bring your friends—my point is, we’re going to be adopting a lot of the Social Justice Committee recommendations—

  ELLEN: Which ones?

  PRESIDENT: Come on, you know I can’t tell you now—but that’s all—top-down stuff—

  ELLEN: You know, I do enjoy these entertaining, freewheeling conversations—

  PRESIDENT: But let me finish, Ellen—a lot of this stuff has to be grassroots. Change happens both ways—I could make a joke there—won’t—but if a big part of the problem is you guys not talking to one another—then start!

  ELLEN: But they don’t know each other. They don’t feel safe or included—even where they should. That’s why I’m reading essays about students wanting to kill themselves—

  PRESIDENT: If they want to kill themselves, why aren’t they talking about that with—

  JAQ: Oh wow. I just got sent this article that came out in the Daily—it says Kevin Gillman was gay.

  (Pause. Everyone takes out smartphones.)

  PRESIDENT: “The Mystery of a Suicide” . . . huh.

  ELLEN: There’s an editorial, too: “If true, this brings up questions about the climate at the university and what more can be done to encourage closeted students to seek—”

  PRESIDENT: And that’s an important—that’s something we certainly have to address, I agree—now—I don’t know how people are feeling right now—it’s clear we’re all very engrossed in reading . . . Two options as I see it—this is obviously a big story, we’re all feeling the impact of it . . . if people want to go do their own thing now—I’d understand that . . .

  ELLEN: I think this changes things. It puts a face to something that hasn’t had a face here—

  PRESIDENT: If people want time to process before talking further—what we can do is reconvene—

  PROVOST: We can have the President’s office schedule a foll
ow-up meeting—

  PRESIDENT: Because I think it’s important that we keep meeting—

  ELLEN: A lot of students are going to want to talk about this article—

  PRESIDENT: Maybe we can even create a space for that today—

  PROVOST: Certainly—

  PRESIDENT: Any other thoughts from anyone?

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Well I hope the dance party—can serve as a—if we get a good turnout—and it’s a diverse group of students—that that can be a first step in building a better community—

  PRESIDENT: Absolutely. Jay, Jaq—is that something that—would you guys consider going?

  JAQ: I—to be honest, probably not.

  PRESIDENT: Okay. Jay?

  JAY: I’ll—give it a shot—

  GABE: Thanks.

  PRESIDENT: Great. All right, everybody—so—we’ll be in touch and meet up again very soon.

  ELLEN: Thank you—this is a real opportunity.

  PRESIDENT: I agree.

  (All but President and Provost exit.)

  This article seems pretty thin, right?

  PROVOST: On facts. But it might make a real impact. He was a very popular figure on campus.

  PRESIDENT: I don’t see how you can say someone killed themselves just because they’re gay. This whole generation being educated into this simplistic way of thinking . . .

  PROVOST: How should we respond?

  PRESIDENT: Let’s have some kind of forum . . . Where everyone can say what a horrible place this is.

  2.5

  DREW: Hey, thanks for coming—

  GABE: Of course—what’s going on?

  DREW: I know you’re busy getting stuff ready for the—

  GABE: No—

  DREW: Do you want anything to drink?

  GABE: Sure—whatever—

  DREW: So the lunch was good?

  GABE: Yeah, I mean—the more I think about it—I don’t know—but what’s going on with you?

  DREW: I know, sorry for being so dramatic—

  GABE: It’s okay—you seemed really down in your texts, what’s—

  DREW: We’ll talk about it. But the more you think about the lunch . . . ?

  GABE: Just—listening to other people talk—there’s, like, this victim thing that really bugs me . . .

  DREW: What do you mean?

  GABE: I just—this idea that the university’s to blame for all this stuff, that it’s so homophobic—

  DREW: You mean—are you talking about the article?

  GABE: No, no—just the way they spoke—it was really arrogant and whiny, like—

  DREW: I don’t understand—

  GABE: A couple of them were just very dramatic. Like our school is this horrible, oppressive—

  DREW: But—it is for some people—

  GABE: No, I know—

  DREW: You’re a very strong person. You came out in high school. Not everyone is like you—

  GABE: Yeah, but . . . like, the person there who probably has it the toughest—this guy who’s in a wheelchair—he didn’t come off like a victim at all. Meanwhile this tenured professor is—

  DREW: But wait, just—are you saying you disagree with the editorial I wrote?

  GABE: No—like I texted you, I thought both the article and the editorial were really good—

  DREW: So what are you saying then?

  GABE: I’m—I’m not explaining myself well—

  DREW: Yeah—maybe you should stop trying.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Sorry—

  DREW: No, I’m just—in a bad mood—

  GABE: What’s going on?

  DREW: I don’t know. I think I’m depressed. I guess I just expected . . . I don’t know. I don’t really want to talk about it.

  GABE: But . . . you asked me to come over—to talk about it, didn’t you?

  DREW: I don’t know.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: I mean we don’t have to but . . .

  DREW: Will you rub my feet?

  GABE: Sure.

  DREW: Wanna watch something?

  GABE: TV?

  DREW: Yeah.

  GABE: I mean—we hadn’t planned on hanging out tonight so—I do have a lot of work to do—I’m not sure how long I can—

  DREW: Well you came over—how long can you stay?

  GABE: I mean—I just meant I don’t know if it’s the best use of time to watch—

  DREW: You really want me to talk?

  GABE: Yeah—you said you’re depressed.

  DREW: Well you don’t like whiners or victims so . . .

  (Pause.)

  GABE: That’s not what I meant.

  DREW: What did you mean?

  GABE: No, you’re not—like them, you’re not, like, haughty. It was mostly the way they spoke . . .

  (Pause.)

  DREW: I think I just expected more response to the article.

  GABE: Really? But it just came out—

  DREW: Nothing will change. Nothing ever changes.

  GABE: They already had that open forum tonight—

  DREW: I don’t just mean here—in general. Gay marriage could become legal everywhere, it will still be bad to be gay. It will always be this horrible thing you have to go through—

  GABE: Look how much things have changed in just ten years, though—

  DREW: Gay kids are still getting bullied all over the place. No one cares—

  GABE: Is it that—did you think something specific would happen once the article came out?

  DREW: Like what?

  GABE: I don’t know—

  DREW: You’re really good at that, you know.

  GABE: What? Foot massage?

  DREW: Yeah. How do you know how to do it so well?

  GABE: Dunno—instinct I guess.

  DREW: You never learned how to do it?

  GABE: No.

  DREW: It’s so nice.

  GABE: Thanks.

  DREW: Never got me hard before . . .

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Oh yeah?

  (Drew reaches for Gabe.)

  Hey—we’re in the middle of—

  DREW: I wanna have sex—

  GABE: Yeah, but—

  DREW: I don’t want to talk anymore about it—

  GABE: But we should—

  (Drew climbs on top of Gabe.)

  Drew!

  DREW: What? God!

  GABE: I want to finish the—

  DREW: You really want to talk? Because other guys haven’t wanted to. Even when they said they did.

  (Pause.)

  GABE: Well I do.

  (Pause.)

  DREW: I sent the article and the editorial to my mom and dad. You know, like—this is something I brought into the world, this is a really big deal—

  GABE: Yeah—

  DREW: My dad wrote, “Will read this later.” Which means he’ll never read it.

  GABE: Really?

  DREW: He’s just selfish. I mean he cheated on my mother all growing up—

  GABE: He did?

  DREW: And his new wife hates me so he just goes through the motions, you know?

  GABE: I’m sorry.

  DREW: My mom . . . read it. And called me . . .

  GABE: What did she say?

  DREW: Nothing. She didn’t mention it.

  GABE: At all?

  DREW: She texted me, “Read the article, will call you later.” When she called, all she talked about is this guy she’s dating and how she can’t tell if he’s really serious or not.

  GABE: Did you ask her about it?

  DREW: No—by that point I just wanted to get off the phone.

  GABE: That really sucks.

  DREW: And I guess I thought—some newspapers or TV stations would call, pick the story up . . .

  GABE: They might still—it’s only been out eight hours—

  DREW: But remember how big a story his suicide was last year? It was huge!

  GABE: Give it time . . .

  (Pause.)


  DREW: What did I do to deserve you?

  GABE: What do you mean? You were you.

  DREW: That’s it?

  GABE: That’s it.

  DREW: Probably didn’t hurt that I’m sexy.

  GABE: Ha. That’s part of you.

  DREW: How big a part?

  GABE: I don’t know . . .

  DREW: There’ll be hot guys at the dance party . . .

  GABE: Well—I mean—

  DREW: What about when you see them?

  GABE: I asked you to come!

  DREW: But you knew I wasn’t going to—

  GABE: I’d never cheat on you.

  DREW: Every gay guy cheats.

  GABE: Whoa—you really believe that?

  DREW: Yeah. Gay culture is practically built around it.

  GABE: Does that mean—do you cheat?

  DREW: I’ve never done it, but . . . I have really bad abandonment issues. If I felt like I was going to be—I don’t know. I might.

  I’m sorry, I’m fucking everything up—

  GABE: No—listen. You don’t need to be scared of me.

  Okay?

  (Pause. Drew climbs on top of Gabe.)

  DREW: I want you so fucking much—

  3.1

  TIM: Okay, I’m officially pissed off.

  JENNY: Forty-five minutes late, you’re allowed.

  TIM: This guy is a nightmare. Why is he so into him?

  JENNY: Should we just leave?

  TIM: He said he’s still coming . . .

  JENNY: He won’t have much time before the dance party.

  TIM: He’ll have time for a drink or two. —So I guess we’re not going?

  JENNY: I have stuff to do . . .

  TIM: I could always go for a little while I guess. Just to be supportive . . .

  (Pause.)

  JENNY: Are you okay?

  TIM: Yeah, why?

  JENNY: You seem like you’ve been in a bad mood recently.

  TIM: I’m all right.

  JENNY: Nothing’s going on?

  TIM: No . . .

  (Pause. Gabe enters.)

  GABE: Hey, sorry—

  TIM: Hey!

  JENNY: What’s going on?

  GABE: Who knows. I was getting ready to go meet him when he texted me and said he felt sick and didn’t think he should go out. I asked him if he needed anything or wanted me to come over—he said no. So I said okay, I’d call him later. Then I get this text saying Wow.

  TIM: Just wow?

  GABE: Just wow. So I text him a question mark. He texts back Thanks for all your support.